Entry 32

Dark Traits ¹

The treasure trove of the Oligoamorists is teeming with heroes and monsters, idols, mythical figures and chimeras.
When the little children have gone to bed, and those who are still pure at heart have long since snuggled into their alcoves, there are dark nights of the new moon when the elders conjure up an awesome figure by the darkly flickering hearth-fire of stories. Its mere name captures most listeners in a teeth-chattering spell; its fate to roam this world in search of the energies of the living makes the blood curdle even among the hardiest Oligoamorists.
That these beings nevertheless exist, I myself had to experience on a baleful day under the dark moon at the end of a cold October, when the following story befell me as it had always been told with superstitious whispers at the campfires of the Oligoamorists…:

The Nissiscrat entered my house unrecognised and in the company of his favourite toy.
Asked to my table, the Nissiscrat spoke at first very little and when he did so, he had a soft and muted voice. At first he asked little questions and in general he seemed to study his surroundings and the participants at the table rather intensely. His toy – although capable – spoke little or not at all. The Nissiscrat complimented me on my coffee table and on my interior, thereby looking closely at my extensive book collection.
At length, the Nissiscrat remarked that it had become quite difficult to find people befitting the own soultribe these days and for that reason it was always a pleasure to meet like-minded people.
I continued talking to the Nissiscrat and his toy, but mainly it was me who did the talking and the Nissiscrat listened and probably also his toy, at least it remained for the most part silent.
After some time, the Nissiscrat asked how I could be happy with my life. Inwardly, I was a little annoyed, because the Nissiscrat had touched a point there that wasn’t exactly sore – but at least sensitive nonetheless.
I replied that by and large I was content with my life, as I had arranged it for myself, but that of course occasionally some ingredients were too scarce to be fully satisfying all the time. Since we had already spoken of like-mindedness and of the soultribe, I explained that I sometimes thought it frustrating that in the rest of the world regularly committed humanity, philanthropy and kindness were less pronounced than I would sometimes wish for myself.
As an answer the Nissiscrat declared that nothing out there in the world was philanthropic or even humane any more and that he had turned his back on the world for that reason. He added that, after all, people nowadays would simply strive to exercise control over everything. Therefore, concerning himself, he would solely acknowledge what nature intends; he had withdrawn from the mundane world and henceforth would be living just for the good of himself (and that soultribe he was about to create). My enquiry, what he thought what it was that nature intended, astonished the Nissiscrat for a moment noticeably, but then he praised my interest. He declared that nature intended the acceptance of all and everything, especially the approval of any feeling and emotion – however awkward these might be. Of course, he said, there would be a great deal more regarding that subject to be deepened and elaborated – and that he was perfectly willing to expand upon that matter another time.

Next, there followed a pause in our conversation, because we set off on a walk “to put our thoughts in good order”, which the Nissiscrat however gladly covered alone with his favourite toy – and accordingly I remained for an hour or so with my nesting-partner.
I was confused – what meant this strange encounter? I lacked clues and information high and low, because I had hardly learned anything about the Nissiscrat and his favourite toy yet (the toy had occasionally nodded with sparkling eyes, but seemed otherwise unwilling to contribute anything) – I, on the other hand, felt a little, well, questioned. Accordingly I was looking forward to the afternoon’s “second half-time”, hoping to learn more about my astonishing guests.

As we returned home from the walk, the Nissiscrat immediately began to explore my house, unobtrusive – but also unsolicited.
When I managed to lead my visitors back to the table after the “inspection”, it was again the Nissiscrat, who now resolutely took up the thread of conversation – and wouldn’t let go of it until the very end.
The Nissiscrat stated that the “first half-time” had almost exhausted him: So many words had been spoken – which he wouldn’t usually exchange with his favourite toy on a whole day. So much information, so much talking – whereas he, the Nissiscrat – and his favourite toy – would hold one’s peace and utter silence at other times in the highest esteem. On most days they would hardly exchange a word at all…
Nevertheless – to continue our conversation – the Nissiscrat proposed a joint feedback session, which he himself commenced immediately. He felt welcome and safe, he stated first of all. Once again, he emphasised how rare it was these days to meet people who would appreciate values similar to his own philosophy. Though he had noticed that we occasionally tried to interrupt a speech, which was not very attentive in his view, he otherwise attested us a thriving atmosphere appropriate of more profound people. Especially the keyword “highly sensitive” had touched him deeply, because he was highly sensitive himself and his favourite toy certainly as well. To that effect he would also be very curious to find out what had befallen us in order to become “highly sensitive”², but surely there would still be time for that later – because in that respect – of course – there would be a detailed history of his own bad experiences, which right now would be too extensive.
Now it was the favourite toy’s turn to give feedback, and the Nissiscrat’s precious neatly framed a variation of his words, equally emphasising wellbeing and comfort.

When it was eventually my turn, the Nissiscrat eagerly wanted to know how I felt. I honestly replied that I had entered a state of increasing confusion and conflicting ambivalence regarding the course of the afternoon and didn’t know how to adequately express myself. The clever Nissiscrat immediately seized the opportunity, asking me directly in what proportions I would feel fear, grief and anger in me.
Sincerely I answered that I would feel anxiety in the manner of an unfamiliarity with the sudden intensity of the present situation, that I usually experienced an accompanying sadness in me (even today, but not because of today) – but that I couldn’t find any anger, just the confusion I previously described.
The Nissiscrat nodded knowingly, explaining that he would often experience such fear in respect of his charisma, a familiar effect that the power of his presence would often produce.
The Nissiscrat readily explained that this was the occasional effect of all evolved human beings, but that I could easily overcome my fear if I would strive to become like the Nissiscrat myself – a purpose in which he could help and guide me.
Therefore, the Nissiscrat now offered that I could have a relationship with him. He wanted to be not only my partner, but also my therapist, my mentor, my priest and my healer. When I replied that I would question him constantly in all those qualities, he generously declared that he was up to the challenge, and he invited me to scrutinise him in any possible way. The Nissratz explained that actually all developed humans would eventually become healers. Acordingly, he and his favourite toy were also healers. In this capacity they would let themselves be “found” by those who were in need and craving for recovery. Therefore the Nissiscrat now offered his living space and even his lifetime, affirming that he would always dedicate all of it to those souls who were in need of his help – whether for days, weeks or longer. His favourite toy nodded in fervent agreement.
When I said that I was looking for committed-sustainable loving relationships, but not for a therapy relationship and therefore couldn’t agree to his proposal, the Nissiscrat dismissed my objections by pointing out that for him there would only exist pure “relationships” in the universe – and these always contained all qualities together in itself.
When I objected that in a relationship like that I would be troubeled recognising when he would speak to me as a lover and friend, or when he would speak to me as a teacher and therapist, he repeated that there was no difference regarding developed human beings and he expressed that he was worried about my obstinate as well as petty mistrust.
Therefore the Nissiscrat now offered me his body that I might embrace him, in order to recover basic trust, which I denied according to his presupposition.
Therefore the Nissiscrat now offered me even his favourite toy (without asking it for consensus) in order to recover basic trust, which I once again rejected to his apparent consternation.
When I reasoned that I would not be able to enter any kind of intimacy so quickly with strangers, because, as in the story of the “Little Prince and the Fox“³, one first of all had to “tame” one another in order to gradually reduce distrust and to establish confidence, the Nissiscrat lectured me that my distrust was just another word for fear. And fear would be limiting and unfree and for that reason against the intentions of nature.

When I answered that “fear” seemed to me mainly a personal affair, because most of the time, even if one were worried about another person’s vulnerability, one would actually rather be concerned for oneself – because one would be mainly worried about how to deal with the consequences of this vulnerability oneself – the Nissiscrat doubted this idea immediately. For he, too, he expressly emphasised, would most certainly dread a possible loss of his favourite toy. And as he had previously mentioned, he too was highly sensitive after all – which meant that everyone at this table had a terrible and traumatic past – not only his listeners, no, even he and even his favourite toy.

Thus, the Nissiscrat diagnosed, I first of all had to discard my physical distrust. At our next meeting he would conduct a workshop where he would guide me in giving and receiving touchings.
Had he not understood, did I once again object, that physical contact with me would be coherent only after a period of time spent together and mutual trust-building?
Now it was the Nissiscrat’s turn to become truly ungracious: He hadn’t meant to touch me personally, he exclaimed. But in my woundedness it was obvious that I could only have understood his selfless offer in this twisted way, although he had by no means intended it like that.
The patience of the Nissiscrat seemed finally exhausted by my hesitancy concerning his promise of salvation he offered so fervently.
And indeed, by now I also felt a surprisingly strong reluctance against my guests and the whole rather peculiar and derailed event that had unfolded on that afternoon.

Departure! ”, the favourite toy suddenly uttered – truly audible for the first time that afternoon.
“I also believe that there seems to be a time for badly needed consideration here,” even the Nissiscrat snarled, rising to his feet and striding towards the door.
Bitter resignation and resigned bitterness spoke from the looks and words of the Nissiscrat with whom he considered me, as he shoved his big-eyed favourite toy rudely to the exit: “I wish you a most depressing evening!”
The last words of the Nissiscrat, already on the stairs, spoke of pity and that hereby I would never find a place for my tears…

When the Nissiscrat was gone I felt strangely embarrassed and a little ashamed.
For a while those feelings stuck to me, but they gradually diminished, as I bit by bit realised what an oligoamorous nightmare the still veiled new moon had brought into my home – but that I had happily banished it after all.

And so I write it down here today for you, as a warning and admonition:
Beware the Nissiscrat, its slippery tongue, its flattery and its thousand promises. Beware for your own sake, watch out for your needs and fears that you may accept them and are a good friend to yourself – so that you will never be in danger of serving the Nissiscrat for a long time in its hiding places and lairs under the unsuspecting dark moon.
Always stoke your fire, love yourself and your loved ones, and stand united together; that way the Nissiscrat will spare your home, will remain a ghastly whisper, a grim tale befitting a cold day at the end of October…

¹ I choose the title because of the “Dark triad”, a psychological approach to the phenomenon in my story. “Oh, and I shall tell you – the name is an anagram”, Grace Cardiff would have said in Rosemary’s Baby.

² Among the many theories concerning the origin of sensory processing sensitivity there exists the highly disputed idea that this trait is usually caused by traumatisation during childhood.

³ In the 21st chapter of the novel “The Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupèry the protagonist strikes up a friendship with a fox. The story can be found online HERE.

Thanks to Joachim/Max and Anke for their inspiration and
thanks to „The Yorck Project (2002): 10.000 Masterpieces of Painting“ (DVD-ROM) and the picture (in public domain) by Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio – , distributed by DIRECTMEDIA Publishing GmbH. ISBN: 3936122202., https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=148809

PS: Considering that this story happened in such a way, because I had originally contacted the “favourite toy” on a dating platform for a meeting, which then took its course as depicted, I have to say that in the world of online dating there are a lot of “interesting encounters” one might rather skip…

PPS: I expressly apologise for using in this story – and especially concerning the figure of the “Nissiscrat” – predominantly masculine pronouns. Nissiscrats may be encountered in any disguise, regardless sex or gender, and therefore we should be vigilant all the time.
I have told this fictional story as it suited my narrative style as an author in the best way.

You would like to read more legends of the Oligoamorists now?
Then HERE you go to another legendary figure and HERE you’ll find a love story.

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